Changes and Challenges
There was a time when I wished to be understood and to be accepted the way I was.
Little did I know, I wasn't at peace with myself at that time. I felt lost, depressed, and I haven't understood the grief that I had, yet.
I put myself on their mercy, that I need someone to make me feel at peace with whoever I was and wasn't. That I need to feel belong and complete.
It took few years for me to finally be able to get a grip of my own self. To understand myself, to manage my emotions, and to stand firmly on my ground again.
It took few strangers and friends to be in and out of my life, for me to be able to see, the kind of life that I actually want now.
The life before the emotional hurricane was a life that designed for me. It was a projection of what I've learnt from the people and society around me.
Yet, the life after the hurricane is solely mine. I built myself from the ground, I planned and took each and every decision by myself. I ignore the social standard and arranged my very own standard of life.
And at that moment I know I do need to be challenged to grow. I need to not be accepted the way I am. I need changes. I need to achieve the things that are important to me. I need to see myself, the people around me, and my surrounding to grow.
And none of that could be achieved by just being the same person as I was, and doing the same things that I did. No change and grow could happen from something that stays the same from time to time.
I learnt that it doesn't even matter; to be accepted and understood by others. What really matters is for me to understand and accept my situations, no matter at what chapter, I currently am and how messed up my situation could be, and to always know that I am working on myself.