Kill (parts of) Myself
“If you could restart your life, how would you want your life to be?”
That question popped up in my mind last night, right when I was feeling a bit down.
I was feeling unhappy, less achiever, and worthless at some point. I know I'm not at my best and that I have been dragged down by the circumstance.
I then tried to list how I actually want my life to be now, what are my current priorities, my actual needs, and what I will really take with me if I could only have certain number of thing in my life.
Turns out, I don't need that much and I still have things that I don't need, with me now. I haven't really throw them out of my life, and that's probably why I still feel the heavy of my baggage these days.
I have become a minimallist for years, but turns out the act of cleaning my life (and my baggages), is really an on going process.
At this point, I have to admit that being a minimallist at material things is much easier than being a minimallist on my mental things. Unpleasant memories, past traumas, dogmas, social expectations, parents' baggage, and so much more. They are harder to get rid of than just piles of clothes.
And I know, I wouldn't have the life that I want without first getting rid of those things from me. I will need more spaces in me, for the new parts of me that I need, to achieve the life that I want.
Not only that I have to expand myself, I also need to make sure that I carry only the right mindset, skillset and tools with me.
And I know, to achieve that, I will need to kill some parts of myself. I have to become someone that I need to be, before I get the life that I want.
And nothing could be a better sign for this, than the fact that not even one of my old writings that I wanna put here as a part of my present.
The past is the past. I've killed the old me. This is my new beginning.