“I dragged my heart and live.
Those hollows and emptiness have stayed for so long in me, that at one point, I started to believe that it was the new me.
And just like a new normal, I thought I just have to adapt and get used to it. I just have to live with it. And I did.
I didn't fake it. I didn't lie about it. I didn't pretend that I was bubbly and glitzy. I did cry it out sometimes. But I wasn't pathetic, too. Or I didn't want to be one.
I want to allow myself to feel it. To understand it. And I decided that, should I be sad and empty, I will still do it beautifully.
And I thought; 'That's it. This is how my life is going to be now.' Completely forgot about how did it feel back then, when those hollows and emptiness didn't even exist. Scoring an okay life and trying not to be too fuzzy about everything.
And yet as it always is, life just happens. Reasons always came in late, as if pain and emptiness alone were not enough to carve wisdom in our soul, that it has to came late and pour our heart with feelings, just like how pinches of salt were dripped into our wound to heal it.
Life blows small tiny shy loves into my hollows, so tiny that they fill them perfectly without I even realize.
And I know now, why I am here, at this point of my life, feeling as how I feel now and be as I am now.
I wish I could tell you, how did it all happen, or how did I heal, or how did the loves find me, or even any small hint of certainty that I know you need desperately right now.
Yet all I could tell you is; life happens. You only need to let it be; to let it happens.”