Vilia Ciputra


There was a time when I wished to be understood and to be accepted the way I was.

Little did I know, I wasn't at peace with myself at that time. I felt lost, depressed, and I haven't understood the grief that I had, yet.

I put myself on their mercy, that I need someone to make me feel at peace with whoever I was and wasn't. That I need to feel belong and complete.

It took few years for me to


A good artwork will not only capture one's soul, but will also reflects her/his values, thoughts, and the way she/he projects oneself and the world. It should enhance the whole existence and experience of the owner at that very moment, so that it could be a memento of the journey till the very end of time.

It's like, when you have a piece of jewelry, and you see it again after few years,


Love, undoubtedly, is one of the easiest feeling to describe or show. It is celebrated anywhere, anyhow, and anyway we could. Everything pink, red, heart will instantly be described as love. Almost similar to happiness that is described oftenly with pop bright and colorful colors.

But, how about the feeling of longingness? Should it has a color, what color would it be? Is it the color of the dark evening, right after the sunset? With the purple and blueish color? Or was it a deeper green than an emerald, but lighter than a moss?


I remember the morning after my first miscarriage. It was a bright morning after my longest and darkest night. It was warm and sunny, after such a cold and shivering night of mine. Yet, I didn't know what I feel. I couldn't describe it, too.

It's like I lost a ghost that never even exist to anyone but me, and no one could understand why did I mourn for a ghost. Everything was the same and would just be the same as before, yet I never could be the way who I was before.

I simply didn't know what I feel, how I should feel, or was it a feeling at all or was it just a passing memory?


Unlike stress that usually built when we don't understand how to deal with something, fears mostly raised when we feel that there will be certain discomfort (that caused by challenges or changes) that we have to face.

With stress,


As a woman, I was taught to find small joy and small happiness in every situation, especially in hardships and unpleasant or less ideal situations.

But boy, how I hate


I guess, closeness to me, never really about physical touch or how long and deep I've known someone.

To me, it is more about


I lost an uncle and a good friend of mine, today. Both of them, just two days away from them being confirmed as covid positive.

Time feels like fleeting these days. It feels unreal, especially to us who lost our beloved ones.

His mom asked, “Tell me, what am I feeling now? What is this feeling? To lost someone I love so dearly is one thing, but


It's like playing the same music all over, again and again, hoping to feel less and less about it, that one day it won't feel anything anymore to us.

That it left only one question;


There is a Japanese channel that I followed and love to watch. They often showed many stories of family businesses that have been running for generations and hold their traditions or cultures.

One of the shows that I watched was about an old roasted mochi shop at an old temple. It has been running for generations by the female members of the family.